Welcome to the "+" Women
Speak page! Below you will find stories of inspiration and hope
written by women who have been diagnosed as HIV positive. If you
or someone you know would like to share their story please E-mail
it to info@allaboutcare.org.
The recent experiece with
watching yet another female friend pass from this disease prompted
me to write a few thoughts and feelings that seem to linger everytime
a companion from my support group (or someone I know) passes from
this desease.
Its
been 7 years since I was diagnosed. Since that time I have witnessed
4 women waste away and die from this disease. Everytime one of
us passes it is like a "reality check" for me. sometimes
I actually forget that I am infected and I get moving with my
life and I get careless. Careless in that I am not as mindful
with my diet and exercise. In cold weather I sometimes forget
to grab a jacket or sweater. I start to take relationships and
my freedom for granted. But, it seems as if everytime I start
to venture off the path for too long, my wonderful friends who
pass on before me still remind me to live each day as if it were
my last--and not to take anything for granted. As painful and
scarey as it is to see my life preservers pass before me--I am
eternally grateful for what they continue to give me and my family.
Today, I am grateful for my job, my family, my grandsons, my home,
my vehicle, my health, my freedom, my friends, those selfless
individuals that continue to give to us year after year through
their time and resources at Camp Care, and most important all
of those individuals still involved in the struggle of fighting
the stigma and discrimination brought about by this disease. I
love you all.
The most impressive thing that has happened to me since my diagnosis...
When I was first diagnosed
I thought I was going to die. Fortunately/unfortunately it was
not an immediate physical death as much as I wanted to die. But,
a slow pathetic mental, emotional and spiritual death. I honestly
believed that my life was over, yet I desperately wanted a reason
outside of myself to continue living. I found that "live
preserver" in my grandson who was born on November 7, 1996.
I forced myself to do things I did not want to do to maintain
my health. I forced myself to seek out other women who were also
infected. I joined a positive women's support group. I refused
to give up, even when I felt as if I was on a 24-hour roller
coaster. I forced myself to look and honestly appraise my relationships
(especially 
my daughters
and my family). As difficult as it became at times I refused
to give up, eventually relationships began to heal. I don't mean
heal in the sense where there is always a feeling of bliss, but
there is always a feeling of belonging and acceptance. Most important,
in my journey I was denied S.S.I. That was one of the biggest
blessings in disguise. I was forced to pursue my life long dream
to go back to school and get my Bachelors degree. To make a long
story short, it's been 5 years since that diagnosis and I have
received my Bachelors Degree in Criminology. I am employed as
a Social Worker for the County I live in. I have been on a cruise
to Mexico with my oldest daughter; I have been to Disneyland
with both of my daughters and my 5-year-old grandson; and we're
getting ready to vacation in Hawaii this May. I finally live
my life to the fullest regardless of what comes down the road.
With Hope & Love -
Singing in the Rain
World AIDS Day 2000
On April 16th of this year,
surrounded by panels from the AIDS Memorial Quilt, I walked to
the far end of the Selland Arena and began to read my way around
the massive auditorium. It was impossible to read everything
on every panel in one day, I was surprised at how much I missed.
In every name there was a life
full of accomplishments mixed (at times) with great struggles.
As I watched the tears of those around me who had endured these
tragic losses I was surrounded and moved by an undeniably strong
current of life. It was not the last flickering, fading remains
of a candle but a force to be reckoned with and deeply respected,
vibrant and alive.
I know the importance of remembering
a fallen star, the way it touches everyone around it and leaves
the most beautiful part of its self with us. The emotions that
surged through me ignited my being at so many levels it was staggering.
Each time I look at even one panel, I pray that emotional part
of me never dulls.
If you missed the Quilt in
April, then you missed a part of yourself, one that you may not
have known was there. Don't let this opportunity slip by you
again. Join in a celebration of love with a dedication to
life.
Rock-A-Bye
12-1-00
